Eight Months
January 15 marked eight months since Janie went home to be with Jesus.
That sentence still feels strange to write. We rarely spent more than a day apart and now it's been eight months.
I miss her terribly—every single day. My kids miss her. Our church family misses her. Janie was such a light… a beacon of hope, strength, peace, and love. I don’t think I fully realized how much space she so lovingly filled in my life until that space was suddenly void.
Grief is not a straight line. It is not tidy or predictable. There are days filled with beautiful memories and laughter—moments when we smile and remember her joy, her faith, her humor, her heart. And then there are days of deep sadness… grief, mourning, and pain that can feel overwhelming. I suppose that is the reality when you lose such a huge part of yourself.
The waves of grief are still heavy.
They just don’t come one after the other the way they once did. But when they do come, they crash hard. I’m crying as I write this. Writing about the pain has a way of bringing it to the surface. While that is painful, there is also something deeply therapeutic about it—naming it, acknowledging it, letting it breathe.
I do want to say this clearly: I am healing.
Healing does not mean the absence of pain. It means learning how to carry it. It means discovering that joy and sorrow can coexist in the same heart. God has been faithful to meet me in both.
There are well-known “stages of grief,” but I don’t know that they come in a clean order. I do know mine. The first was utter shock and disbelief—a feeling that still resurfaces at unexpected times. There have also been seasons of anger—not directed at anything in particular, but showing up as impatience, frustration, or simply the ache of not having my bride to talk to. Janie was the one I processed everything with—life, ministry, thoughts, dreams. Losing that companion changes everything.
There have also been very real moments of grief right before stepping into ministry.
There have been times when I’ve been in the green room just before walking out to preach—overwhelmed with emotion, tears streaming, knowing Janie wouldn’t be sitting out there, knowing she wouldn’t be waiting afterward to talk through the message with me. And in those moments, God has met me with His supernatural grace. Not by removing the pain, but by strengthening me to do what He has called me to do in spite of it. I can say without hesitation: every time I’ve stepped onto that stage, it has been by the grace of God alone.
Another reality that has hit me more deeply over time is learning what it truly means to be a single dad.
When you are married, there are often clearly defined roles—and when each person understands them, a beautiful teamwork emerges. That partnership carries so much of life, especially the practical day-to-day realities. When God said in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good for man to be alone, I find myself reminded of that truth more often than I ever imagined.
From laundry, groceries, cleaning, picking up the dry cleaning, rides to and from school, doctor’s appointments, school meetings, and on and on—Janie was the general of those marching orders. She carried so much of that load with strength, organization, and love. When those responsibilities were suddenly placed squarely on my shoulders, it became yet another reminder of the teammate I am missing.
While accomplishing those tasks takes time, energy, and focus—sometimes pulling me away from things I believe God has primarily called me to—it is a reality I am learning to navigate. And in the process, my respect and appreciation for single moms and dads has grown immensely. I see them now in a way I didn’t fully understand before.
And yet, my mindset continues to shift.
More and more, I find myself moving toward gratitude for what we had rather than only sadness over what I’ve lost. Of course, there are things I grieve deeply—like the fact that Janie won’t get to be a grandma one day. She so dearly anticipated that season. She loved children, and I know she would have been the very best at spoiling those little grandkids. We talked about it. We dreamed about it. We looked forward to it.
That season was not to be.
But I don’t dwell there the way I once did.
Instead, I thank God for the nearly 27 years I got to be married to her. Twenty-seven years of shared life. Shared ministry. Shared faith. Shared laughter and tears. God didn't owe me one day with that beautiful woman and I got 27 years! That is a gift—one I will always treasure.
I remain confident of this: God will turn this pain into purpose.
I know where Janie is. I know she is completely whole, completely healed, fully alive with Jesus—experiencing the reward of a life poured out in love and faithfulness. I believe she is enjoying the fruit of her labor here on earth in ways we can only imagine. That truth anchors me.
One of the hardest parts of this journey is coming home to an empty house.
I used to come home excited to tell Janie about the people I met, the conversations I had, the stories of what Jesus was doing in people's lives. She would do the same. We would sit and share and rejoice together at how God was at work. Now, I often come home to quiet. An emptiness that is unknown to many. The silence can be deafening. Where there was once laughter, energy, a delicious meal and shared joy, there is now a simple meal—sometimes frozen, sometimes canned—and a long moment of introspection.
I don’t share this to sound downtrodden. God is giving me light. But grief is honest, and love leaves a mark.
There are moments when I lie awake staring at the ceiling, hoping to hear her voice… hoping to wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream. But I know the reality. And I also know what Janie would say.
She would want me to keep going. Keep reaching people. Keep making a difference. Keep fighting the good fight—just like she did.
As a family, we are leaning on one another, and we are getting through—one day at a time. And I want you to know how deeply grateful we are. Your prayers, your support, your encouragement, your messages, your checking in—it has all been felt. Truly. It has given me strength to continue to pastor, to lead, and to preach. I know that is exactly what Janie would want.
We are incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such an amazing church family at Skyline, and by a broader community of people who love so well. You have carried us more than you know.
Thank you for walking this journey with us. Thank you for praying. Thank you for loving our family.
We feel it. We are grateful. And by God’s grace, we are moving forward—together.
45 thoughts on “Eight Months”
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I’m sorry. It’s strange she is no longer here. Yet, she’s closer than we know. Thank you for your true words. Grief sets us apart and connects us deeper to many. I know Jesus is with you and your family every step of the way. God bless.
Jeremy,
Thank you for articulating your thoughts and your experiences in the past eight months without Jamie. Anyone who has lost a spouse can identify with most of the things that you wrote about so well. Thankfully, we have had Jesus with us, otherwise we would be over in a corner, sucking our thumbs.
I have found the more I allow myself to grieve the more comfort I feel.
Blessings to you and your family!!
Bless you, Pastor Jeremy, for your honesty and openness. I’m praying daily for your peace of mind, strength, and healing. This journey belongs to you—take all the time you need. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. Sending you big, warm hugs.
God is good and we can tell by this you are healing. You and Janie were blessed with a lovely family that will always be comforting. Your congregation loves you and will always look forward to your sermons.
Pastor, you have my deepest condolences. I will be praying for you more now that you’ve shared just how hard it has been to live this new life one day at a time. I give all the praise and thanks in my heart to Jesus that he is our navigator in even the nastiest storms. May He continue to remain such a steady rock (Psalm 18:2) that strengthens, assures, and holds you in those heavenly hugs you’ve described. As a follower of this church online for almost 5 years now, this journey has also taught me to be grateful for so much of what God owes us none of and that has helped my faith grow immensely. The Lord is our shepherd (Psalm 23) and near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and I believe with everything in me He will continue to strengthen you. God bless you, your family, and Skyline Church. My only regret is not learning from some family friends that your church existed sooner. You are all incredible! Again, God bless you always.
All of us are praying for u pastor we are here for you.
Jeremy
You opened my eyes to what it means not just to ” Believe” in Jesus but to “Choose to Follow Him” and I will always be grateful…. I truly believe God is using you in a very special way and your ministry is even more powerful than ever !
Thank you for sharing this so honestly. Grief truly never follows a straight line. I lost my dad 12 years ago and two sisters, and I still miss them deeply and feel that same emptiness when I remember them. Your words reflect grief with faith and grace and it brings comfort and reminds us that we are not alone. Praying for continued strength and comfort for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing and for your honesty during this time. Your words speak life to me as by husband is currently battling. I don’t know what the future brings, but I trust GODs plan that even in the “what ifs” our GOD is good. May GOD continue to lead you to make heaven crowded.
As a fire department Chaplain we learn about post traumatic stress and the need to talk out those trauma events, clinically called Cathartic Ventilation.
I know the grief of losing a loved one. I know my grief, not yours. It’s all very individual.
Bless you Jeremy. God has this, especially when we think He doesn’t. Life can be done with a broken heart and we learn that every day. Deepest condolences and love to you all.
Your words resonate so well with those who have also experienced loss. As we are called to “comfort those with the same comfort we have received” I’m thankful for your words of encouragement during this season which may seem at times not to serve a purpose; but it clearly does. Nothing is wasted in God’s economy!
Pastor Jeremy,
Thank you for sharing. You are loved & prayed for! I’m going to share your words with my daughter whose husband committed suicide on Christmas night last year in hopes God will speak to her through your words. Thank you for all you do. Sending you big hugs.
Pastor Jeremy, our hearts and prayers go out to you. I cannot begin to fathom the greatness of your loss, but know that God has given you great strength and his comfort to help you heal. Many of us will someday will have to suffer the loss of our spouse as we enter our golden years. I keep kidding Carol that I am going before her, but only God knows what the future holds. I can’t imagine my live without her. We all love you Jeremy and are praying for you and your family.
Blessings my brother,
Penn
I continue to pray for you and the family as you heal. I’m thankful that you are working through the process of grief…..and it IS a process. Thank you for your healing update. Nine years ago today (not date, but this holiday), we got the news that my husband’s status had been changed to hospice. Excuse me, what? We got to do a few of his last wishes together as a family before he passed 5.5 weeks later. I’m so thankful for the 46.5 years we had together.
Hold tight to your wonderful memories with Janie. Sending hugs and prayers for you on this journey.
Thank you for sharing and allowing us to see your vulnerability. I am a recent widow. I lost the love of my life, soul mate and best friend on May 1. I read this with tears streaming and I have felt every thing that you mentioned. The empty house, the loving conversations, meals shared and household projects that the other person took care of. I wish I could count every time Mark said “ you should pay attention while I do this because you won’t know how to do it when I’m gone.” Well.. he was right! I have no clue on so many things!! I think the worst is when I drive home from the airport alone.. I always had princess parking..
I love when you said, “there is purpose in the pain.” God is very much in control and is giving guidance through this season of our lives.
May His love continue to bless you and your family.
Dear Pastor Jeremy and family. I’m so glad for the inside view into your heart and the soul of your family. It is a blessing and encouraging to hear how God has sustained you and carried you during this days of grief. Many people do not let other in. But as you have chosen to do so, you have allowed all of us to be “family” and the body of Christ toward you. Thank you. What you said reminds me of one of the posts I have prepared for January FB posts. It’s called “We bring the sacrifice of praise.” With a 40 year ministry background, I faced the “up front” fall apart syndrome that you discussed many times…although your grief is so deep and ongoing. The thought is that praise is sometimes a sacrifice… I will find a way to share the piece with you too. Blessings and prayers and thanks coming your way from our hearts. Linda and Steve Lilyquist
Thank you for your heart. We walked through the passing of your mother in law Carol with Pastor Garlow many years ago. We started attending Skyline with Pastor Maxwell, and with your father in law, Pastor Jim.
His journaling of Carol’s life and homegowing was a true insight to how human love, while different than God’s love, is an amazing gift from Him.
I’ve been blessed with 48 years with my wife (so far). All of the words you used to describe the partnership you had with Janie are my words as well.
When we found Skyline again a couple of years ago, we were so happy to know that Pastor Garlow’s legacy would continue through you, both as pastor and son in law.
Thank you for who you are. We pray for you and your family.
We love you and the family Pastor Jeremy! To have such a public presence in the midst of such grief is ministry in itself. As you heal, as God works in your life – I know there are many who are finding hope in their own grief. Thank you for your example.
Thanks Pastor Jeremy! I know it is hard and we have been praying for you and family always! How is Levi doing asking about him in general as he is still young . For some reason God has put him on my heart ! Thank you for being such a good pastor
Thank you for sharing your journey. You are loved and prayed for and we are so grateful for your faithfulness to God’s calling on your life.
Janie’s bright light will always shine because she always shared and made a difference. That never changes. God is good that way to give us the opportunity to make a difference into eternity!
Pastor Jeremy…my heart breaks for you and your family. I know only too well watching loved ones pass away. It started with grandparents, then you see your parents pass on, then it’s siblings, and then the unthinkable-a son. I’m way too familiar with grief. Sometimes it’s suffocating, and when thinking of the good memories, it lessens temporarily. But you will learn to walk in the good memories versus the grief stricken times, and by putting one foot in front of the other until it becomes your new normal, God will direct your path. He will carry you and He will strengthen you. You have a lot of people supporting you. You are not alone in this journey. Sending lots of love 💕 and hugs 🤗 your way. Supporting you and your family in prayer. God bless you. You have been a light in my family’s life, and we have grown so much in our relationships with Christ through your pastoral leadership and through your vision for our church congregation. I am so very grateful. God’s got you and You got this!! Thank you for sharing.
Appreciate your honesty Pastor Jeremy 🙏
The illustrations you are using for your Grow Series are so meaningful. The Lord puts Us in a cocoon… inside there is Protection, Growth, most of all, Healing. The process takes time, patience, so much Care and Grace with ourselves.
What comes out on the other side is a new You.
The Lord So Delicately forms Us and Gives us what we need to Go on.
Praying for your Family and the Church as you continue on this Journey, friend.
We’ve Got Y’all! 🦋
Pastor Jeremy,
There are times grief will catch you unaware, there are times you will laugh and realize it has been so long and guilt at laughing without the other person being by your side will take your breath away, but as you said, God is there, reminding you that you were given 27 wonderful years together. Dr. William Stephenson has a couple of books that helped me through the various stages of grief. As you continue through the journey of life, grief will always be part of that journey and I pray that God will continue to hold you through that journey, through the tough moments, through the tears and laughter, and through the big and small moments that seem insurmountable. Know you are not alone, know God is there, and know we are always praying.
It is said it takes a village and you and Janie helped create the village that is surrounding you today.
God bless you and your boys through this stage.
Pastor Jeremy, you are so loved. Janie was and still is so loved. You have blessed us with you heart, with being real from the beginning when you and Janie and family took on the position of leading and teaching our flock and throughout this journey. Thank you for sharing your heart. Mine aches for you in this journey. Though grief has no rules, it is the presence of our God that remains stable. For that I am grateful. And I know He is carrying and leading you through each step. I’m praying that you will experience more areas of God honoring support as you navigate each area of being a single working dad. And that you would be cloaked with His Presence of Comfort and Peace.
Love and hugs.
Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. When we began attending after your loss, your strength, faith, and vulnerability spoke louder than words. Watching you lead with such authenticity in the midst of deep grief was incredibly powerful and is one of the reasons we felt drawn to this church. Your testimony of God’s faithfulness, even in pain has ministered to us more than you know. We continue to pray for you and your family and are so grateful for the way you point people to Jesus, not from a place of perfection, but from a place of real, lived faith.
Thank you, Pastor Jeremy.
That was so beautiful we are inspired by you even in the midst of your grief you still show up for us . My heart breaks for your loss and that of your family. We love you and will continue to pray for you
❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing your journey. I am glad you are able to speak about it. Grief is extremely hard work. Please know you and your family are in our prayers 🙏💞
Dear Pastor Jeremy,
Thank you for sharing from your heart. I have not lost my spouse, but I have lost my parents and other dear friends. Grief truly comes in waves and at odd times. I was very close to both of my parents, and at different times I really wish I could pick up the phone and call them. They missed out on so many wonderful moments, things my children did, accomplishments they would have loved to share.
I was a single mom for 3 1/2 years with 3 children before I married my 2nd husband. Being a single parent is not easy. I thank the Lord that He gave me strength to get through each day. He sent people into my life to encourage and bless me. Please know that there are so many people who love you and your family. We will continue to pray for all of you as you go through this, and for years to come!
May God bless you and continue to lift you up,
Mary Bradley and family
I alway look at my life after a great loss, like you’re experiencing, as getting used to a new normal. You don’t go through grief, you learn to live with it. It’s a new state of “normal.”
Thank YOU Pastor 💞 💞💞
Thank YOU Pastor 💞 💞💞
Your message came at the most opportune time where I am missing my Beloved who also graduated to Heaven 14 months ago.
So much of what you shared is extremely relatable. I especially like how you said “God will turn this pain into purpose.”
I appreciate your transparency to us.
Continued prayers covering you and your family. Selah
My dear Pastor,
It’s good to share….it’s healing .
I lost my beloved husband of 60 years 5 years and 3 months ago….and my first born son 8 years ago and I can tell you the grief and physical pain is still so present.(as it will ALWAYS be) until we are reunited .
Different. But here.
Thar old saying the time heals ….isn’t true.
We NEVER completely heal as a part of us left with them.
It’s unnatural to lose a child before we go….
But it feels unnatural to live my life without my soul mate as well.
Coming home to a empty house….that he helped build…that our 4 children grew up in.
So many happy times spent within these walls are now just a mere whisper…
I go through the motion….but it’s not living, merely existing.
You and Pastor Paul. And all my sisters on Christ , and of course my Lord and Savior, make it possible to get make it thru each day, grateful and with thankfulness for his grace and mercy.
I AM BLESSED….you are always in my prayers.
Virginia Phillips
“Healing does not mean the absence of pain. It means learning how to carry it. It means discovering that joy and sorrow can coexist in the same heart.” These words hit me. Its hard sometimes when memories come to our mind of how things in our life would be if there was a different scenario with those we love. Healing is on its way is the only thing I can say. And the strength of the Lord we can carry every and each morning. And the deep breath of a day lived for God’s glory every night. My prayers are for our church family and for you and your family. Praying everyday for you Pastor, for you to grow stronger and share as you did yesterday, so powerful. Thank you for sharing that our life goals are statement of faith. And we are to walk on them waiting in the Lord. Receive a warm hug from my family to yours. #GodFirst
I’m sorry for your loss I know how hard and heavy this must be on your heart and soul and your family as well but no God is with you always always and you’re never alone through the grief you have God you have your friends and family you have the church you’re a good man and I’m sorry that you’re going through this I lost my mom 24 years ago and it’s still painful after all these years so I know what pain feels like in grief anyways God is with you and God bless you always you and your family and friends
I’m so very sorry for your loss I know how heavy that must be on you and your family on your hearts and souls I know what it feels like to lose a loved one that was my mom 24 years ago and I still grieve over her loss I miss her everyday we learn to get along without feelings and deal with them in the best way we can yes we get hit with emotion at times it comes all at once you’re right about that and we just learn to cope with it and learn from it may God bless you and your family
Just know that God is there with you and your family through this time in your life you’re never alone and you’ll have support always that’s what I meant to say in the first post thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing this. Know that you are prayed for daily. I am so thankful that you are continuing your work in God’s ministry. Many people are being changed because of it. God bless you and your family.
Thank you for sharing. I know it has helped so many people who are in that same boat of grief. I lost my amazing godly dad going on 4 years & it’s still very hard. During that time we started attending skyline. I was still very much grieving & didn’t get to meet your amazing wife. I love to hear about her. Would you ever consider writing a book about her & in her honor. I wish I was able to meet her. I was so isolated in my grief of losing my dad I did not venture to get to know anyone back then. I regret not venturing out to get to know her. A woman of great, strength in the Lord. I can’t wait to meet her in heaven. I know she is celebrating with my dad. I’m blessed to know my dad has met her before me in heaven. Your writing shows his important our marriage relationship is, his beautiful it is & the design God has given us. Thank you so much for sharing. My families prayers are with you all. My heart hurts for your loss of a great woman of God! I’m so proud of Janie & I don’t even know her but it’s the love of the Lord we both have makes me feel like I know her & how I look forward to that day to meet her in heaven. All the saints of the Lord to worship our King Jesus forever brings me great joy!
Dear Pastor Jeremy,
Thank you for sharing. Your wife was a great blessing to many, and her legacy will live on in the hearts of many.
Thank you for teaching us to remain steadfast in the ways of the Lord. Your leadership is a gift, and your faith and example are a beacon of hope for many of us. You have my support and prayers. John 14:27
You cry as you wrote this, and I am crying for you and your family as I read it.
I have no words, you have so eloquently shared your heart. Continuing to lift you all up in prayer. 💕
I greatly appreciate you sharing a piece of your heart with us. May the lord continually guide and protect you and your family many blessings to come.
Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. We’re newer to the church and found it after Janie’s passing, and while we never had the opportunity to meet her, it’s so clear how deeply loved she was and the beautiful impact she continues to have on this church family.
Watching you walk through such profound loss with faith, humility, and grace has been incredibly powerful and is one of the reasons we felt drawn to attend. Your openness, trust in God, and willingness to speak hope even in grief have encouraged us more than you know. We’re so grateful for your leadership and continue to pray for you and your family.
Praying for you, Brother. God’s continuing comfort, strength, encouragement, and grace to carry on. Believing that the best is yet to come.
Love and blessings.
Clay Ford
Dearest Jeremy. How much I appreciate and treasure your keeping us all up on your present life and helping us understand what’s happening with you regarding your life right now without the presence of your precious Janie. And oh, how precious she was. I’ve known her since she came out here from Texas after her family came out. She’s always was such a lover of each person she encountered. AND she married you and between the two of you have made and developed a very powerful and very loving couple.
I’ve been estranged from my precious and wonderful husband for 6 years now and miss him still so much but in a different way. God has been soooo good to me and He’s filled me with a love for others like I’m seeing in you. He is so good! And He knows just what He’s doing in your life and what I see it’s GOOD! May He bless you Jeremy and continue using you for His glory. Thank you for sharing that you’re remaining open and willing to be used of Him. Because of that you’ll always be in His will and all of us will be closer and obedient to Him. I love you very much and thank you for continuing to be my Pastor and preaching the Word faithfully.
I love you, Meave
Dear Paster Jeremy,
After reading your blog I wanted to thank you sharing your heart with us. I remember the first time I saw you and your wife on stage and I felt a connection and happiness. My husband and I are new the church going on 3 years and our grandkids also. I haven’t had a place I felt good about until now. I have a quadriplegic son who is very sick and I’ve wanted to ask for prayer and to meet you many times but I find myself only wanting to pray for you and your family. Thank you for making coming back to church a joy and.we will keep you and yours in our prayers. Have a good day