One Year May 15
The Hardest Year. Grief & Grace
One year ago, on May 15, my wife, my best friend, my ministry partner, and the mother of our three incredible boys graduated to heaven.
Even typing those words still feels surreal. There are moments when it still doesn’t seem possible, moments when I find myself thinking, this cannot be our story… this cannot be how this went.
If I’m honest, I never would have forecasted this. Not when she was diagnosed, not when her health was failing, not for a second. I never imagined a future where I would be raising our boys without their mom beside me, walking into our home and not hearing her voice, or preaching on Thursdays and Sundays, and leading a church while carrying this kind of loss. And yet… here we are. Twelve months later.
And what a year it has been.
She Was God’s Gift to Me
People often say, “No one is perfect.” And of course, that’s true. But I can honestly say this: she was perfect for me. She was perfect for our boys.
She was the kind of wife every husband dreams of: deeply godly, fiercely loyal, incredibly wise, joyfully fun, stunningly beautiful, and completely devoted to Jesus. She loved me when I was easy to love and when I wasn’t. She believed in me, prayed for me, strengthened me, and made me better.
And as a mom… wow.
Our boys had the kind of mother every child deserves: present, loving, sacrificial, nurturing, strong, faith filled, and completely invested. She loved her family fiercely.
And today, we miss her more than words can describe.
May Is Hard
I’ll be honest, the month of May is so hard.
Mother’s Day.
May 15, the day she graduated to heaven.
And May 31, her birthday.
It feels like wave after wave after wave. There are moments of deep gratitude and moments of deep ache. Moments when I smile at a memory, and moments when grief hits so unexpectedly it takes my breath away.
Grief is strange like that. It doesn’t follow a calendar. It doesn’t ask permission. It just comes.
God Has Been So Close
And this is what I need you to know: in the darkest year of my life, God has never been more real to me.
There were days I didn’t think I could get out of bed. Days I didn’t think I had another sermon in me. Days I didn’t think I had the emotional strength to lead a church, lead my staff, lead my boys, or even lead myself.
And yet, somehow… God met me there. Over and over and over again.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18
That verse is not just theology to me anymore. It’s experience. It’s reality. He has been close. So close.
Strength I Did Not Have
As a pastor, people often see the preaching, the leadership, the vision, and the energy. What many didn’t see were the tears before the sermon, the exhaustion behind the scenes, the quiet, desperate prayers whispered backstage.
There were so many moments I said, “God… I cannot do this.”
And His answer, over and over again, has been:
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
I’ve learned this year that God doesn’t always give strength for tomorrow. He gives strength for today. For this sermon. For this meeting. For this conversation. For this moment.
And somehow… that has always been enough.
There Is Purpose in Pain
Do I understand all of this? Not even close.
There are questions I still have, tears I still cry, and prayers I still pray. Like Jesus in the garden, I’ve asked, “Father, if there is another way…”
And yet faith says, even when I don’t understand, I can trust Him. Even when life doesn’t make sense, I can trust His heart.
Scripture reminds us:
“We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”
Romans 8:28
That doesn’t mean all things are good. Cancer is not good. Loss is not good. Death is not good. Grief is not good.
But God is so sovereign, so wise, so loving, and so powerful that He can take even the most painful parts of our story and weave them into His greater purpose.
I may not fully understand the “why” on this side of heaven. But I’ve learned I don’t have to know why in order to trust Who.
Grief… But Not Without Hope
We grieve. Deeply.
We cry, we ache, we miss, we long. We feel the empty chair and notice the silence. We carry memories and wrestle with pain.
“But we do not grieve as people without hope.”
1 Thessalonians 4:13
Because for those who know Jesus, death is not goodbye. It’s “see you later.”
Because of Jesus, I know this with absolute certainty: my wife is more alive right now than she has ever been. She is healed, whole, worshiping, and in the presence of the Savior she loved with all her heart.
And one day, by the grace of God, we will see her again.
To My Boys… and to Kaden
To Riley, Aidan, Levi, and Kaden,
Your mom was extraordinary. I know you know that. She loved Jesus with all her heart. She loved your dad deeply. And she loved you boys with everything she had. She prayed for you, believed in you, fought for you, cheered for you, and helped shape you into the young men you are becoming.
Never forget that.
And I can’t talk about our boys without also talking about Kaden, our daughter in love. Not daughter in law, but daughter in love because we love her so much. She truly has become like a daughter to our family.
Kaden, from the time you and Riley met in junior high, you have been such an incredible gift to our family. Janie didn’t simply love you as Riley’s wife. She loved you as her own. She prayed for you, believed in you, laughed with you, and welcomed you fully into our family. The bond the two of you shared was incredibly special, and it brought her so much joy.
And now, as you and Riley prepare to welcome your baby this October, there is both joy and ache in our hearts.
Janie was built to be a grandma.
She loved children so much. Long before there was ever a pregnancy announcement, she was already talking about grandbabies, dreaming about that day, and even picking out little outfits for the baby before you were ever pregnant. That was Janie. She loved deeply, she dreamed ahead, and she couldn’t wait to pour her love into the next generation.
While it breaks our hearts that she won’t hold this little one on this side of heaven, we smile knowing that her love, her faith, and her legacy are already reaching into the next generation.
And that legacy will live on.
And never forget this: though your mom is in heaven, your Heavenly Father is right here. And He will never leave us.
One Year Later
So here we are. One year later.
Still grieving. Still healing. Still learning. Still trusting. Still believing.
And if this year has taught me anything, it’s this: God is not just powerful. He is personal. He is not just sovereign. He is near. He is not just faithful in the good days. He is faithful in the darkest nights.
And while I never would have chosen this road, I can say with complete confidence that He has walked every step of it with us, and He will continue to.
What a promise. What a Savior. What a future.
That promise is what has carried me. Not because the pain isn’t real, or the tears have stopped, or grief somehow gets easier, but because Jesus is real. Heaven is real. His promises are real.
And because of that… hope is real.
As I look back on this past year, I can honestly say it has been the hardest year of my life. There have been moments I felt strong and moments I felt completely depleted. Moments of deep gratitude and moments of deep brokenness.
And yet, God.
Faithful God. Present God. Personal God.
The God I have preached about for decades became the God I leaned on in ways I never had before. Not just the God of theology, but the God of 3 a.m., the God of empty rooms, the God of tears, the God who doesn’t always explain… but always stays.
And if this year has taught me anything, it is this: I don’t have to understand God to trust Him. I don’t need every answer. I don’t need to know why. I simply need to know who.
And I know Him.
So as we mark one year, we grieve, but not hopelessly.
We miss Janie every single day. We miss her laugh, her wisdom, her prayers, her smile, her presence, her love. And while our hearts still ache… we also hope.
Because this is not the end of her story. And this is not the end of ours.
One day, faith will become sight. One day, grief will give way to joy. One day, what feels broken will be made whole.
And one day… we will see her again.
Until then, we will trust. We will lead. We will love. We will laugh. We will cry. We will keep moving forward. We will keep telling people about Jesus.
And we will keep believing that even in our deepest pain… God is still writing a beautiful story.
Thank you to every person who has prayed for us, loved us, encouraged us, and walked with us. You have been the hands and feet of Jesus to our family.
And to my beautiful bride, thank you. Thank you for loving Jesus, loving me, and loving our boys. Thank you for building a life and a legacy that continues to shape us every single day.
We love you. We miss you. We honor you on this graduation day. And we will see you again.
Until then… we keep our eyes on Jesus.
Jeremy
29 thoughts on “One Year May 15”
Love watching you on Sunday afternoons. Praying for you. My small group is going through How It All Ends. Love you so much in Jesus.
Pastor Jeremy, you have my full condolences and prayers. I’ve been thinking of this since I woke up this morning.
I am so thankful for how God has carried you. This year has not been easy but it has shown that God uses pain. I can say personally, Janie’s graduation to Heaven made me want to live more for Jesus. I have never looked forward more to attending church or listening to worship music while commuting in the last year. Her life was a testimony and example of how we should all live so openly for Christ.
May God continue to heal and strengthen you always.
God bless you!
Your posts mean so much. Your honesty your God honoring messages that you lead Skyline with has been what has always drawn me in. God does not waste anything and I can see that clearly through this journey and season you are walking through. It is one thing to preach a message every week it’s another thing to actually have to live it out and walk through it!! I thank God for using your gifts to be that person that brings God’s word and his comfort and strength to me and so many others! God Bless you!! You are a Gift!!
Oh my goodness, I could identify with all of your thoughts and emotions Jeremy. I know it’s been difficult for you and the family, and at times you feel like you’re hanging by a thread, but you continue to draw your strength and peace from the Lord.
I pray for you and the family regularly. I know many others are praying for you as well.
I’m excited about the new grandbaby on the way.
Midge Kilcrease
I needed these words today. Thank YOU Pastor.
My continued prayers for you and your family.
XOXOXO
Your words of honesty, love and hope are beautifully written. The man, husband and father that you have become is authentically what God created in you!
Think of you everyday and we pray for the McGarity family.
And congratulations on the upcoming grandchild… love you Grandpa Jerry!
The Foremans
Mr. Pastor Jeremy,
I love you beyond words. Thank you, and Jesus of course, for pushing through the pain. You are a true testimony of faith. I feel it, see it and can’t thank you enough for sharing yourself with us; personally and biblically.
Lovingly,
Heather Wangler
Reading this with chills that come over me as I think of your family and your loss but most of all your love for Janie and her love for you, and the Love of our Father. When you think about “the cloud of witnesses” It becomes even more real when your loved one is there and she is cheering you all on. Thank you for sharing your life, your loss, and your love with all of us and reminding us to fix our eyes upon Jesus.
Your outpouring of love and tribute for your beautiful wife and her Savior has given me a ‘second wind’ in dealing with my own ‘storms of life.’ I can’t wait to see your smile when you become a grandpa in October!
Pastor Jeremy,
There truly are no words deep enough for the kind of love, loss, and faith you shared in this beautiful reflection. Reading this brought tears to my eyes. The love you have for Janie is so evident in every sentence, and the legacy she left behind shines so brightly through you, your boys, your family, and your ministry.
Thank you for being so vulnerable and honest about grief, faith, pain, and hope. So many people see strength from the pulpit, but your willingness to share the heartbreak behind the scenes is such a powerful testimony of God’s grace sustaining you moment by moment. Even in unimaginable loss, your love for Jesus and your trust in Him continue to lead others closer to Him.
Janie was such an extraordinary woman — a loving wife, devoted mother, faithful servant, and beautiful example of Christ’s love. The way you honor her life, her faith, and her impact is deeply moving. What a gift she was, and what a beautiful legacy she continues to leave through all of you.
Please know how loved, appreciated, and prayed over you and your family are. Thank you for continuing to shepherd, encourage, and pour into others even while carrying such deep grief yourself. Your faith through this season has touched more lives than you probably realize.
Praying that God continues to hold you close through every difficult wave this month brings, and that His peace, comfort, and presence surround you and your boys in a very personal way. We love you, Pastor Jeremy, and we will continue to honor Janie’s beautiful life alongside you.
Until that glorious day when you see her again. 🤍
Pastor Jeremy,
Though I’m now on the east coast being a hands on grandma I still follow you and can’t thank you enough for influencing me with my walk in Christ Jesus. I pray for you and your family and wish I had the honor of knowing your lovely wife. God is good and I love knowing you’ll be a doting paw paw soon ❤️🙏
Oh, my heavens, that was beautiful, raw, deep, sincere and loving. We are praying for you and the family.
I am glad for God’s grace for us, His unwavering love and guidance, His nurturing, His loving corrections, His hope.
Thank you for sharing this. With love and hugs,
As I read your post today with weeping and crying. It is hard for me to give you advise when I read how much the Lord has brought you and your family thru. The Lord has big plans for your family. Thank you for sharing. Love and prayers, Jan McMurray
Your spirit is amazing, your love for your family has always made me smile and draw closer to mine . Your conviction , kindness and love has brought so many to our Lord and Savior . We love you Pastor , your willingness to share and support all of us through this incredibly hard year is unimaginable.
God Bless you and your family , Thank you for all you do for our community and the world .
God Bless you and the boys and Kaden. This was absolutely beautiful and hard and painful. Thank you for being real 🙏 We will always pray for you. Thank you for all you do 🙏
Our loving Lord gave you Janie as a gift and a tremendous blessing, to encourage you, to comfort you, to laugh with you, to see you through hard times and good. She is still with you in your heart. Wonderful memories of your life together are like her smiling down on you from Heaven. She will always be there for you.
Thank you for sharing. You have no idea how your preaching, ministering and faithfulness has help me deal with our current situation, my husband is battling. You help me see that in the “even ifs”, I will be ok.
Beautifully written 🤍 It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since she graduated to heaven. 😭
As I walk through my own cancer battle, I find so much encouragement and strength in your sermons, your writings, and your unwavering commitment to follow Jesus. Thank you for being so vulnerable and for always sharing your heart.
It was so special seeing Kaden worship again this past weekend. It brought tears to my eyes — I’ve always loved her voice. Your devotion to her is beautiful, and congratulations on the new McGarity coming into this world. I’m praying it’s a little Janie to carry on her spirit. ❤️
Thank you for having the courage to keep fighting in her absence and for continuing to teach us about the sovereignty of our Lord. We don’t understand His ways, but one day we will when we meet our Maker. ❤️
Big hugs and continued prayers.
With love,
Laura
Pastor, praying for you and your family today as you remember and honor such a beautiful life. Though I did not know Janie very well personally, what I do know is that she was such a bright light. Her love for the Lord, her warmth, and the impact she had on those around her was easy to see.
My heart especially goes out to you, your boys, and daughters-in-love today. And what a precious gift from God to welcome your first grandbaby this year. Such a beautiful reminder that love and legacy continue on through generations.
Praying today brings some sweet memories, comfort, peace, and moments that make you smile in the middle of missing her so deeply. ♥️
Thank you for writing what I could not!
Oh, the hope!!
Thank you, Jesus!
Pastor Jeremy
Pastor Jeremy,
I can honestly say I know what your going through. I lost my husband 4 years ago after 42 years of marriage. We never had any children but we had each other. We build a life together until l he died of cancer. I love what you wrote. If it wasn’t for God I would not have made it. I am thankful that He is in my life. I lean on him for strength. I go forward with my life and live one day at a time. I have to maintain all that he did and pray it is the right decision since I am alone. Greif has no time frame and no boundaries. I still cry at some of the most inopportune time but I let it go. Don’t hold back. I find people are very understanding. God has a plan for us and a reason things like this happen to us. I want to wish you well in your new life without your wife because it was to me definitely a new life.
Blessings
Carolyn
Our Hearts are with Y’all on this day.
Isn’t it Amazing how the Love, the Sweet Memories, the Faith Legacy Stay…they will last a Lifetime and will Continue Encouraging Y’all Every, Every day.
Comfort, Peace and Love be with You 🌸
Pastor Jeremy : Thank you for sharing. 💐
I will continue to pray for you and your family.
May the peace of Jesus Christ fill your heart.
Jeremy, Peace be with you. Thank you for sharing your heart, we appreciate it. You have especially been on my mind and in my prayers this month in anticipation of this day.
Hugs to you and your family. 💕
Thank you
Your words took me back to 1996 when my husband passed away unexpectedly. The following season of grief, nearness, strength – only because of Him and His Church – forever altered my life and walk with Him. His faithfulness continues to carry me as I empathize with the pain you and others have gone through. May the Lord continue to keep you in the palm of His hand. I know He will. I know this – not based on theology but on experience. His words are life.
Hugs Pastor Jeremy to you and family! We loved her also. She was always a breath of fresh air! Wow congrats on being a grandad! Janie is jumping for joy in heaven ! Hugs to you all🙏🏻
Dear Pastor,
Thank you for sharing this very personal journey with us.
You were BLESSED to have had the honor of sharing your life with this special person….and in turn she was blessed with you.
None of us are perfect, but how wonderful it is when two people find themselves and get a chance of sharing a love and life with
each other.
With GREAT love come GREAT sorrow and grief…..
How right you are when you say grief has no time table or schedule….it comes in an instant without warning and there you are again
at a place you thought you had recovered from.
I lost my beloved husband 6 years ago and the heart aches for his smile, his laugh, his arms around me but most of all the way I felt
in his presence……I was safe in his unconditional love….as we are in Gods love for us.
I will grieve him until we are together again, and in the mean time, I will find the strength in God to wake up, put one foot in front of the
other, and remember how blessed I was to have him for 60 years.
Just 2 years before I lost him, we had lost our first born son 2 years earlier .
I did not think I would survive that!
I embrace my grief, as it is a reminder that at one time my life was complete…..not perfect but pretty much near perfect, and that gift came
from God….
You and your entire family are in my prayers, and we thank you for every Sunday we have the privilege to spend with you…….