We’re in a brand-new teaching series at Skyline Church that we’re calling Relationship Rehab. Coming out of Covid and lockdowns and all the anger and division that has been going on, we need to look at our relationships from a biblical perspective. What does God say about our relationships? Our relationships can truly use some rehabilitation.
For the first several messages we’ll be looking at marriages. While I titled this blog Marriage Is Cake, we know it can be anything but. However, there are some key ingredients that will make a sweet marriage.
For some people this series will be review. For others it will be marriage saving. The Bible clearly lays out our responsibilities as couples. It tells us how to have thriving relationships. However, we don’t always follow the advice God gives us.
These principles are not only for couples. Single people will gain a lot from these messages because the biblical principles for great marriages are also biblical principles for any relationship. During this series I will be addressing singlehood as a Christian specifically as well.
This last Sunday, I used the illustration of making a cake. Just like there are key ingredients to making a great cake, there are key ingredients to making a great marriage. In the next couple of weeks, I will be laying out all the ingredients, but this week I named three primary ingredients.
The first ingredient to a sweet marriage is Communication. You’ve got to have good consistent communication if you’re going to have a good marriage. I asked people to rate themselves on how they’re doing with communication in their marriage. How they personally think they are doing, individually, not how they think their spouse is doing. The goal is to have each person take the evaluation and then come together over lunch or dinner and talk about it. What you’ll notice is that each couple likely has a different number on the scale of 1-10. It’s a conversation starter to get couples moving toward more consistent communication.
The second key ingredient is Consideration. If you’re not being considerate in your marriage your marriage is falling apart. Being considerate of one another is not optional. When we first start dating, we’re so considerate of one another. Guys, we open the door for her (we still should) but little things like that get lost and instead of opening the car door for her we think consideration is waiting for her to get both legs in the car before taking off. Things can change over time. But that’s why we must be intentional in our communication and in our consideration.
The third ingredient is Compromise. In every relationship there must be compromise. When you get married, you quickly realize it cannot all be about your wants and desires. Marriage is a school of teaching you unselfishness.
There are many compromises we must make in marriage. If marriage is going to be about “WE and not ME” you have to compromise on what kind of vacations you take, how you’re going to raise the kids, how much time you spend with the in-laws, what restaurant you’re going to, the list goes on and on. If it’s “my way or the highway” over time, the highway will be calling.
God’s purpose for your marriage is not happiness. Sure, that can be a benefit to marriage, if you do these things we talk about in this series, you will be happy, that is a benefit of marriage. But it is not the purpose of marriage. God’s purpose for marriage is holiness, not happiness. It’s to make you more and more like Christ. The more sacrificial and serving you are in your marriage, the more Christ-like you are becoming. Truly one of the goals in marriage is to out-serve and out-sacrifice the other. When two people are doing that, you’ll have a very happy and holy marriage.
These are just the first three ingredients. This coming Sunday, I’m going to give you the next three. I’d love to hear your thoughts on these first three and how you’re doing with them. Share some of the practices that have made your marriage successful and share some of the things you’ve learned if you’ve had a marriage that didn’t work out.
For example, do you and your spouse communicate consistently? Where and when? What is your typical weekly communication routine? Also, comment below if you took the evaluation after each point and how it went when you talked with your spouse. I’d love to hear your feedback and thoughts on how it’s going and tips and tricks you’ve used in your marriage. State how long you’ve been married and share your thoughts in the comment section. Who knows, you might just give me a great illustration for Sunday! (you will remain nameless) :-)